Changing the system: gratitude and growth

Photo Credit: @canttracme (IG)

Over the past few years life has forced me to do a lot of personal growth. At times I’ve  hated it, but once I make it safely to the other side with lessons learnt and a deeper understanding of things I am always grateful. This pandemic is no different , except  the whole of society is being forced into growth too. It brings some comfort knowing that at least I'm not alone in this new challenge.

My life often helps me to  evolve by breaking things down in a dramatic way or making situations so uncomfortable until I have no other choice but to leave or change. I like to call them tower moments. Things are seemingly pleasant and normal, and then – boom. Tower moment. Some truth is revealed. A revelation is had. I suddenly become aware of a complete injustice. Some bad news is delivered. Someone dies, etc. The moments in which everything falls away and burns. Tower moments. I've had so many of these by now that they no longer really feel as chaotic. In fact, as disruptive  as they can be, it warms me to know that after all of the dust has settled, a new beginning of some sorts will always be on the horizon. Now I see them more as blessings in disguise, and riding the wave has become much easier.

The coronavirus pandemic is definitely the weirdest event that I have been alive to witness in my 22 years. Sometimes my nonchalant or positive demeanour can rub people the wrong way, coming across as ignorant and indifferent. But I'm not ignorant or indifferent. I'm aware of all of the bad things that are happening. I just also happen to be aware of all of the beautiful things that are happening too. That is one thing I've learnt throughout all of the chaos and trauma in my own life. Things can be really, really shitty. Really. I don't need to go on and list them all for you because we all know of how hard life can be. I lived that way for a very long time; seeing the glass as half empty, being a Debby downer or a negative Nancy as a way to protect myself. I've experienced more abuse and trauma than I would like to have gone through but every time I feel as though I've reached my limit there is something in me that keeps me going that is undeniable and lights my soul on fire: hope.

I've learnt that where this is darkness there is also light. For every bad thing that happens, something good always happens. That is the duality of life. The sun and the moon. The yin and the yang. Two opposite polarities. And I've learnt that the darkness; all of the horrible and painful things that life offers us, are incredible opportunities for growth. They offer us a chance to change. So many times I've awoken to these tower moments feeling like I've been left with nothing (literally sometimes) and then I look down at my body and feel my heart beating in my chest and remember that I still have something: life. And where there is life there is infinite possibility. The possibility for a new story, a new day. Something beautiful. And for all of those days that I've stuck around to see something better, well I'm rarely ever let down.

This quarantine is helping me to find joy in stillness. In the little moments. Waking up and hearing the birds sing, or going on Instagram and enjoying watching all of the videos of people singing and dancing. I feel more connected to people than ever before; because we're all having to be present and focus on what is really important to us. Love. It's cliché and over said for a reason... Love really is all that there is. Love triumphs fear every time. It certainly has in my life.

Even though a lot of people are understandably filled with fear and negativity, my outlook is different.  I'm excited to see what comes next for us all. To see how we value things and people differently when we are allowed back outside. Will we have more respect for the artists, who kept us going and smiling and entertained when everything stopped? Will we still be quick to judge those in less fortunate situations? Hopefully we'll have a lot more gratitude and respect for the post workers, the bus drivers, the care workers, the police officers, the nurses, the doctors and all the volunteers. Hopefully we'll all wake up and see that there really aren't that many differences between us all; whether that be in race or age or social status. Because when the world undergoes something as big as this, we all have to play by the same rules and stay inside. We're all made of the same things. I've already seen lots of these changes in my community; and within my own friends and family.

And so this is the hope I have. This is what gets me through the day: seeing the brighter side. Two people in the same situation could be living in hell or heaven – it just all comes down to your perception. I personally like to see the brighter side in things as it helps me to make the most out of my days. We're all here on this earth for a limited time, and so I will find joy and happiness in whatever I can and live my life to the fullest! Practising gratitude really helps me to stay in this uplifted state. Not every day is good and not every day is bad, but I'm just overcome with joy at the fact that I get to be alive to experience it all. I hope you find the courage within you too, to wake up and seize the day; no matter how small or big it is.

Khaya Job is the creator of Femme Fatale Gals, a creative empowerment platform and print magazine. They are currently accepting submissions for their next Issue focussed on Purpose.

Find Khaya and Femme Fatale Gals on their socials: Instagram @femmefatalegals @khaya.

If you would like to contribute to our series about Changing the System then please get in touch with tessa@collaborativefuture.co.uk. And if you’d like to support us to keep doing our work please share our posts, sign up to our newsletter or buy us a virtual coffee.